January 26th, 2026 - Light Secrets
Dear TNY,
I made it through another week and just got to “Light Secrets” because the past two days I was swimming.
I think this story was well written. The pacing was good. I enjoyed how compressed it was, and clean. And the thing I respected the most about it was how long it sustained the suspense. The story gives just enough distractions to hook and rehook you while it waits for the big reveal.
But that’s maybe my beef with the story. There is no big reveal? It appears the point of the story was for the author to discuss the idea of “light secrets”. Now, that’s not a bad thing. I thought it was a pretty novel idea. Was reminded of the movie Pay it Forward a little (coincidentally, when I was dating who would eventually become my wife and then ex-wife, we were sitting in the Animas Four movie theater lobby, it was about 2330 at night on a Thursday, a large group of employees (which we were) awaiting the midnight showing of Pay it Forward, the practice of midnight showings on Thursday being a quality check for the projectionist who built the film as it would start selling tickets for Friday matinee, the goal not only to ensure that all the splices were correct, but that the picture was focused correctly and the curtains were moved into place to frame out the picture as each production has slightly different frame ratios, so I’m sitting next to A and she’s chatting with a friend, and I’m listening to her and I realize how happy I am that she exists and that she chooses me and is excited to choose me, so when her friend gets up and walks off, I unwind a keyring from my keys and when A turns back to me I get down on one knee and before I can say anything she puts her hand over her mouth and runs away; I get up and walk outside and sit on the curb, de-fucking-jected, and she finds me just as the movie is about to begin, asking if I’d like to watch it, so I get up and join her, we say nothing, and then she gets in my car as I am to give her a ride home; she claims I stopped in the middle of the road and demanded an answer, which sounds like something I would do but I have no recollection of that, as my memory shows us get back to her apartment, she invites me up, and we lay in bed together, where she apologizes for running away and asks me to ask her, so I do and she says yes and I will always remember Pay it Forward for that reason; about 8 years later I won her a diamond necklace from a radio program in Alaska because I called in and told them that story and they said it was the most fucked up proposal story of all the stories they heard, so hell yeah!). The light secrets thing is at work in this piece as well. The MC does one for the two boys escaping the police. He does one for P. by not bringing up the rumor to him nor did he share the rumor with a stranger even after P. died. And he seemingly did one for Simon although he didn’t recall. Or maybe he’s right and he didn’t know Simon and he did one for Simon by not cashing the check. So there were light secrets.
But so what? Don’t float some rumor past me and not tell me about it. And then our big denouement is a side character and a check? Nah, I don’t buy it. Not that it couldn’t be true, it’s just that this is fiction. Flash it up some. Give us something, man. Punch us a little bit. Or a lot. Make the light secrets bit work for us in a way that makes us pay that shit forward from your story. But, if I remember it correctly, I felt like Pay it Forward fell down in that same way. Good idea, not enough oomph.
So I was swimming, as I stated. It was a good day. Got a sunburn. And jumped off a pretty high cliff. Facing some fears as it were. Tonight it will be a little cold and windy, for O’ahu anyway. And I believe disc golf is on the horizon. In some dense fucking woods. I don’t even know what dinner will be. Life is moving forward, one day at a time. Some better. Some worse. I have not died yet. Plans have been made. I leave here next week, always moving forward. But that’s the thing, I think. It has been brought up a lot recently. What do I want? I want to go home. And if nothing else, at least I know the way home is forward. And sometimes it involves big cliff jumps into the ocean. And brightness, sun, and love. But also sadness, sickness, grief, loss. Danger. Anxiety. Laughing. Haircuts. Getting fat. Getting skinny. Biting one’s cheek and then tonguing the sore for a week afterward, the little morsel of gummy flesh an unwelcome visitor.
What I’m saying is I didn’t die yet and it won’t happen today. Who knows what’s coming tomorrow. Could be anything.
Nick
