June 9th, 2025 - Elias

Dear TNY,

I couldn’t with “Elias”.

I tried to make it through.  I did! 

My first note was on page three (remember, I copy and paste all of these stories into word docs so my pagination will be different from yours). It stated that it took until this page for the man to finally open the door instead of musing about opening the door.  The door knock happened in the first line on page one.  And, I’ll say it again: HE DIDN’T OPEN THE DOOR UNTIL PAGE THREE.  Then there was no one there, so he shut the door and more knocking continued and he went through a family tree.  I don’t think his friend arrived until page 11?  In all those pages nothing happened but interiority. That’s way too fucking long to spend bouncing around in this guy’s head, especially if it’s boring, which it is.  I don’t care about who married whom or what your last memory was of someone or any of that bullshit when the fucking door is being knocked upon, okay?  Especially if the door being knocked upon appears to have been knocked upon by no one. Or a ghost.  Stick to what’s happening in the fucking scene and don’t depart after every tiny little action to then muse for twenty fucking minutes about life’s banalities.  Christ, what it must look like to an outsider to observe this man in action.  Move.  Stand still for five mins.  Move.  Stand still for five minutes.  Forever.

Yuck.

Oh, the fact that your dead buddy came to your house after he was dead, it’s not interesting when the story moves at the speed of a constipated shit. Help me give a fuck, you know? Don’t force me to not.

As for me, moving through time and space with not a lot of standing still.  I’m in Portland now, but just for a few days more.  My youngest flies in soon and then we will commence a small roadtrip before the summer’s main events.  I say small, it’s small for us.  For you folks it’s a fucking lifetime.  Two weeks.  Should be lots of adventure and then parking for a while in the Seattle area.  No real agenda this summer.  Don’t go broke is the theme.  And find some fucking work come August because I will need the goddamn cash. 

I don’t know what else to say.  Seems I have hit a pocket of dryness, inspiration wise, as has happened in the past here at FTNY.  And that’s okay.  This happens.  Other things happen.  One day nothing will happen.  Or everything will.  One just can’t tell.

Anyway, ciao.

Nick

P.S. Check out The Grotto in Portland. It is astoundingly beautiful and I don’t know how I could have missed it before. I’m not much for spirituality, nor for the atrocities that have been committed by the Catholic Church (or any fucking religion for that matter), but the money and opportunities afforded by organized religions can occasionally provide just the right ingredients to acquire exceptional locations, add to their beauty, and, most importantly, maintain these places. In the case of The Grotto, they have essentially preserved a smidge of forest and cliffband in a shittier section of Portland and I’m here for it. Check it out!