May 6th, 2024 - Pulse

Dear TNY,

“Pulse” is today’s offer.

And I think it’s probably a good story.  The language is clean and clear and fresh.  The narrative isn’t dull or pointless and shit actually happens.  The character development is somewhat thin, but I didn’t mind because the juiciness of the scenes were enough to bite into on their own.  The arc was a little muddled for me but, again, I did dig the imagery and the vibrancy so it wasn’t a slog.

Really, I have two issues with this story.  One is the ending.  Because we know from the cow story that new power lines will shut off immediately.  The MC tells us that.  So why the question, at the end, if the force is in the ground?  It shouldn’t be.  It’s a non-issue. 

And the second thing about this story isn’t about the story at all, it’s that…guys, I’m exhausted.  So I couldn’t fully engage.  I tried multiple times.  Something is off. 

Firstly, I am PROFOUNDLY sad.  It has taken over every aspect of my life.  The sadness has slithered its Cthulhu tentacles into the folds of my brain and wrapped them around my throat.  It is on top of me, inside me, moving through me.  I breathe it out and breathe it in.  Consumed by it.

Second, I just did a bachelor party weekend.  Day one went fine.  I switched to Diet Coke halfway through the night.  Won two coins from Safe Cracker.  Like a boss.  Day two…the booze got on top of me and even though I stopped, I still struggled.  At dinner I excused myself to the bathroom a few times, but instead went outside to walk the streets.  I felt like I was playing pretend adult, a sad little boy without his playmate trying to make it through another 24hrs.  And the third day, oof.  Had a couple mimosas with breakfast.  A little bit of poutine.  And then later on at the arcade…I may have been drugged. Or had another wonderful psychotic break.  I didn’t eat any drugs.  I don’t even own the drugs that took over.  And it was a lot.  It was described to me by witnesses like I caught a case of adult onset Tourette’s.  Fighting to breathe.  Fighting to talk through a terrible stutter.  Fighting and fighting and fighting.  A man took care of me, though.  I went to a baseball game.  I stood up to catch a ball that was nowhere near me.  I was away, inside myself. It was terrifying.

And third, which may be just first all over again:  A part of me is missing now.  A part I, honestly, didn’t know I had, but I definitely know it’s missing now.  I felt complete.  Now I feel incomplete.  A broken toy. Actually, this story has a bit in it that references this point, which made me cry.  A lot. 

“I miss you, he wanted to say. I miss you beyond any means I have of coping with the distance you have gone.”

And there it is.  Plain as the nose on my face. 

Buddy, you said once you wanted someone that was overwhelmed with love for you.  Just to the brink of being crazy.  Well…arrived.

Anyway, this story would probably have been a fav of mine if it wasn’t for everything else.  So good job, TNY.  Congrats.

I have to go now because I don’t have the faculties to keep this up anymore.  Gotta go lay down I think.

Anyway, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you.

Nick